Welcome to Festivities – the world’s only F2F (festival to festival) magazine that brings you all the insights, news and trends. This week on Festivites, we have an exclusive interview with Santa Claus – the driving force behind Christmas Inc.

Festivities (F): Hello, Mr. Claus (SC) and thank you so much for taking the time to chat with us.

SC: Please call me Santa.

F: Very well. So Santa, tell us how does Christmas really work?

SC: Well, I don’t want to get into the religious aspect of Christmas, but what I will get into is the moral aspects of it. Christmas encourages people to be good. And good behaviour is rewarded.

F: So good deeds get rewarded?

SC: Well, you are over simplyfing it. But, yes good people get presents from me and bad people get coal. Now, since coal is expensive, we have decided to give people on the naughty list a CD featuring songs by Himesh Reshammiya.

F: (gasp) Isn’t that a bit too harsh?

SC: Well, yes. But we do need to drive a point across.

F: How does the logistics of Christmas work?

SC: Before I get into logistics, let me give you a brief outline on how we are structured. Considering we are operate in multi-national chimneys (MNC), we are increasingly operating on a ‘Globalocal’ model. The flagship brand still remains Christmas…

F: …and you as brand ambassador?

SC: Yes. However, we have started creating localized identities in various parts of the world. Like Saint Nicholas, Kris Kingle, Father Christmas, etc. We basically developed a mother brand that supports a variety of sub-brands that address every possible demography, region and language.

F: So, would I be right in assuming that the logistics are tough to manage?

SC: Well, yes. We have had our production issues. However, since Jessica (Santa’s wife) came on board as CTO (Cheif Toy Organizer) we have had fewer issues.

F: What about the overall environment in the North Pole?

SC: Yes, that has been a problem. Before Jessica joined us, the Christmas experience was undertaken entirely in the North Pole. However, considering there is not much to do except during season, we started having labour problems. Elves were getting high and emulating stunts from ‘The Lord of the Rings’. Strangely, they were copying ‘Gimli the dwarf’. So we had a period where our entire workforce used to sport beards and axes.

F: And also the North Pole shrinking.

SC: And the North Pole shrinking. When Jessica came on board, she suggested taking a hard look at our operations. We found that given the labour problems and the North Pole shrinking on account of global warming; it would be wise for us to outsource our operations. And we did.

F: So where have you outsourced?

SC: We have outsourced manufacturing of toys to China and support functions to India.

F: How is that working for you?

SC: Well with all outsourcing ventures, we did have our problems. Like one Christmas we had delivery issues and confusion at the vendor’s end. We got a shipload of babies and the Stork ended up with toy trains. Fortunately, the Stork and Christmas Inc. have been on good terms and we just exchanged lists. But, yes it has been a learning process for us and we feel more confident about outsourcing.

F: Where is Christmas Inc. headed in the coming years?

SC: Well we are looking at new markets, and India is at the top of our list. We feel it has strong potential and potency to embrace Christmas. We have started pushing it through a few partnerships in India. But, we have to still explore the market and understand it better to truly enter it in a big way.

F: What do you think are the biggest challenges while entering the Indian market?

SC: Well the biggest and most obvious is the lack of chimneys. We are still evaluating various mechanisms that will allow us to get as many people interested in the Christmas spirit. For example, we have established one mechanism which is getting our representatives interacting with people in malls, hotels, parties, etc.

F: Do you think the concept of ‘good list’ and ‘naughty list’ will spread in India? I mean if you look at any newspaper all you see are scams, corrupt politicians and generally bad people. How would you address this?

SC: Well, I will be honest with you. We had a major problem with our list management. When we outsourced our support functions to India, we had some problems with our vendor. There were some complex algorithms that needed to be built. These algorithms determine who is ‘good’ and who is ‘naughty’. For a few people, there were overwhelming scores on the BC parameters. Thus, the system went into an infinite loop and instead of punishing them, rewarded them.

F: May I ask who these people were?

SC: Well there are a lot, and we are rectifying the list by taking corrective steps. But it will take time. Typically this list consists of politicians, businessmen and a few governments. But we need to thank Kalmadi and his siphoning of the ‘Common Man’s Wealth’ that helped us spot the error in the first place. Since then we have sacked the vendor – who we suspect might have intentionally put the error and used it as a loophole to bypass our list algorithms.

F: Who was the vendor?

SC: (wry smile) Satyam.

F: Explains a lot…