Category Archives: Office Humour

Remotes and Mice

Posted on by
2

Common interface/input devices such as the remote take the brunt of our frustrations if things don’t work. The pressure on a button is directly proportional to the importance of an event (such as a big name match in the EPL) and multiplied by the lack of battery power.

Add the computer mouse to this list.

 

My list has gone beyond remotes and mice to include PS2 controllers – especially when I play FIFA 10. Bastard Ronaldo running all over the place, making light of my defending abilities, tackle after tackle does nothing and he goes on to score! Many controllers have perished due to Ronaldo, and one of these days I am planning to sue FIFA 10, and Ronaldo for being too good.

As always, if you liked this comic feel free to share it. I mean just take it and post it anywhere and everywhere you want to. If you really really liked it, you can always take a printout and post it on walls, telephone poles or make a t-shirt out of it.

Also, if you missed the last week’s post, you can go and visit it by clicking on this - Party Invitation

No withdrawals please!

Posted on by
8

This was something I wrote a while ago. There are a lot of small time banks and financial institutions that are shady at best – and their name does not inspire trust. So, what does a typical employee at one such bank think about? Read on.

Disclaimer: All events are fictional and so are the characters…I really hope that is the case!

I worked in a small time bank in a small time town – and I can’t stress that enough.  One Friday afternoon most of the staff (we were in all about nine) were out for their lunch break. I was left alone in the bank – apparently my job profile reads cashier/annoying clerk/security guard/loud female instrument maker.

Anyway, I was plugged into my ipod and reading the weekly edition of Banking On Us. I heard a small cough and looked up to see a customer. I smiled and said “Lunch Hour”. He looked at the clock. It said 3.30 PM. Then he looked at a board that announced the lunch hour was between 12.30 and 1.30 PM. I smiled again.

“What do you expect in such a bank?”

“Can I make a withdrawal anytime soon?”

Making my irritation very audible through a series of hmpfs and tsks, I removed the security guard’s cap and headed to the cashier window. He handed me the withdrawal slip. I glanced through it – the account number was fine. And then I let out a laugh. Under amount he had written “whatever is there in the vault. Preferably in small used bills” Apparently this was a robbery. And yes the shades, monkey mask, and bags marked with dollar signs did give it away.

I handed the slip back to him. “You forgot to sign”.

With an apologetic smile he signed and handed it back to me. “Right hand me the money. I don’t want to hurt anybody!”

“Hurt anybody? I can see how that could happen. Considering so many people are around!”

“Oh yes. Well hand me the money!”

“Sorry, can’t do that. In case you haven’t been reading, the bank doesn’t have any money.”

“Are you saying the bank is bankrupt?”

“That sounds a bit redundant. I mean does it really come as a surprise to people? After all, the name does arouse suspicion.”

“Eh?”

“Runvijay Co-operative Bank?”

“Why should that arouse suspicion?”

“Well for one – the founder of the bank, his first name is Vijay. And Runvijay does sound too co-incidental doesn’t it? I mean if anything, it should have made people aware of what the bank’s intentions were.”

“Are you saying that a fraud took place and the bank has no money? Damn! I had an account here.”

“Yes. I know.”

“So my money is gone?”

“Afraid so.”

“Cant rob the place?”

“Nope. But you could take some of the computers with you. We plan to destroy the evidence.”

“Fair enough. Could you give me a hand?”

I clapped.

A Guide to Entertaining Yourself in Office: Office Limbo

Posted on by
2

The Office Limbo is the perfect self entertainer if you are aching to get out of your chair and get some exercise.This section of the guide will have you doing the Office Limbo in practically no time. With the multiple variants associated with this form of self entertainer (SE), you can keep busy long enough to pass this on to your grand kids. (Read the Introduction to A Guide to Entertaining Yourself in Office here)

The Office Limbo

While many of you might be aware of the dance form that is Limbo, the Office Limbo is more than a dance. It also represents the place where the average office goer’s happy disposition lies. Before we get to that, more on Limbo – so that you know what is for office parties and what is for day to day work.

Trinidad is where the limbo originated. From Wikipedia:

The dancer moves to a Caribbean rhythm, then leans backward and dances under a horizontal pole without touching it. Upon touching it or falling backwards, the dancer is “out”. When several dancers compete, they travel in single file, and the stick is gradually lowered until only one dancer — who has not touched either the pole or the floor — remains.

The diagram below illustrates the Limbo:

While the Limbo relies on bendie movements at the waist, the Office Limbo relies on bending knees. This is primarily to avoid creasing shirts or worse your boss finding you in a compromising position. The Office Limbo is detailed below.

The Beginner’s Guide to Office Limbo

Doing the Office Limbo is all about choosing the cubicle and the transition you make. Ideally 30% of your body should be visible when standing behind a cubicle. This allows for a gradual transition while doing the limbo…

Starting at one side of the cubicle, pretend to walk down a flight of stairs. Bend your knees with progressing acuteness in angle as you go to the other side of the cubicle. (refer diagram below).The audience has to be on the other side of the cubicle to be completely wowed.

Once you have mastered the basics, try more variations of the Office Limbo. Looking for some inspiration? Check this video.

Coming Soon – Touch Projector Screen